Selfish Wonderings
by Away with the fairies
Summary: Ootp-friendly. James thinks about the btch his best mate has fallen for, rants about that prat Moony and makes his true feelings for Evans known. James Potter is a lot more complex than he’s given credit for. SiriusJames, mentions SiriusLily.


Title: Selfish Wonderings

Pairing: SiriusJames, mentions of one-sided SiriusLily

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Ootp-friendly. James thinks about the b*tch his best mate has fallen for, rants about that prat Moony and makes his true feelings for Evans known. James Potter is a lot more complex than he's given credit for. SiriusJames, mentions SiriusLily.

A/N: No idea where this came from but I've got a set idea for the next chapter, in Sirius P.O.V. But if I did that 'Selfish Wonderings' would most definitely go AU and I'm not sure if I want to go there. Please review and give me your opinion. Oh, and if your one of six wonderful people who reviewed 'Nobody's Perfect' thank you, thank you for such amazing reviews.

  
Moony thinks he gets it. That my childish 'crush' on Lily Evans will  
fade in time, and I'll come to realise the immense bond Sirius and  
Evans share. Special bond, what about ME and Sear? How much more  
special can you get?  
  
Moony thinks he knows a lot of things, like me having a crush on Lily  
Evans. Moony thinks that Lily Evans has a conscience, that she's  
disgusted by how I treat Snape, but then again, Moony thinks Lily  
Evans has morals. Moony thinks that Lily Evans is fair and wise and  
in love with my best friend. Moony thinks that Lily Evans isn't a  
sick, vengeful, twisted, little BITCH.  
  
Moony can think all he want but thinking ain't going to make it come  
true.  
  
Thin fire eyebrows arched in challenge.  
Deadly, poison green eyes swimming with flashing satisfaction.  
Ruby red lips tugging into a vindictive smirk, poised to part and  
shatter my best friend's heart into a million pieces.  
  
She absolutely despises me, always wants to get one over on me. I  
don't know why, but I go along with her game. Her dance of lies and  
deceit, blackmail, and the constant shifting of power. That's why I  
push for Evans to go out with me, if Sirius thinks I want her then  
he'll never 'betray' me and go after Evans himself.  
  
MY Sear'll never kiss her, or touch her, or take her to heaven. I  
won't let HER hug him, or laugh with him, or hold him and stroke his  
hair, brush kisses on his forehead when the nightmares visit him,  
like they often do. I swear I won't LET her have the chance to smash  
his heart into oblivion. Sirius would get through it- he's as strong  
as he is mind numbingly beautiful-but another slash of pain to add to  
his growing collection of emotional scars is not what Sirius needs  
when he's already...vulnerable.  
  
Regulus is clenching his jaw and icing his brown eyes blank-looking  
more like Sirius in that instance that I ever dreamed possible-when  
ever they're in the same room. I know it hurts Sirius, his blue-  
violet eyes always flicker sharp with pain before he hides behind  
veils of nonchalance. Padfoot pretends it doesn't bother him but the  
nightmares come more than twice a night when Bellatrix makes a  
slathering remark or Narcissus sweeps past him with her nose in the  
air. At least Andromeda still stands by him.  
  
I'm not being selfish, just because I want to love him and fuck him  
and have the fleeting touches and soft smiles mean something as well  
as friendship. Rocking him back and forth, singing and getting no  
sleep so Sear won't fall back to the shrill shrieks of his Mum and  
sharp hand of his Dad. That's always been part of mine and Sirius'  
friendship, but...I want to be able to hold his hand, have him in my  
lap and give him anything and everything without him shooting me odd  
looks because I'm crossing the few boundaries set between us.  
  
So I'm not being selfish if I know Evans will only cause him pain,  
it's not selfish to draw hidden meanings from his speech and feel the  
pleasurable squirming, dizzy, breathless, overwhelming pounding in my  
chest and forehead when I'm holding him and his rosepale lips are  
ghosting my bare chest as he breaths. Is it?  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
